शहीद

DELUGE

The leftover glee got blanketed by a sudden huge cloud of desolation. What followed was a struggle of not letting the floodgates of eyes open. Came to the rescue was the best tool of disguise – a mask of fake smile.

What about the deluge inside?

 ©Mohak Chaudhary, 28012018

CHOCOLATE

I wish life could also have this trait of a Chocolate – Darker it gets, tastier it becomes. But life,……………………

©Mohak Chaudhary

01.06.2017

काश

अजीब शब्द है यह, अजीब ही नहीं, जानलेवा सा है कुछ,

पल में ख़ुशी का एहसास करवा कर, अगले ही पल बना देता है तुच्छ |

–

असीमित ख़्वाबों की बुनावट का जैसे यह स्रोत है,

पर उन्हीं ख़्वाबों के साथ डूब जाने वाला एक पोत है |

–

इस तरह यह हज़ारों ऐसे ख़याली मंज़रों से रूबरू करवाता है,

कि मन हक़ीक़त की डोर तोड़ कर उड़ता चला जाता है |

–

चाहता है छूने को वो नज़ारा, दूर से लगता है जो बेहद ख़ास,

 पर पास जाने भर से ही हो जाता ओझल, कर इस दिल को उदास |

–

वही मन जो उड़ रहा था आकाश के किसी पंछी सा मस्त,

गिरता है औंधे मुंह ज़मीन पर, हो जाने को अस्त-व्यस्त |

–

टूटे अपने टुकड़ों को उठाकर अपनी ही अर्थी पर, हताश सा यह मन,

निकल पड़ता है राह-ए-गुमनामी पर, करने को इक और जतन |

–

पर वो, जिसने दिखाया काँटों भरा यह रास्ता,

खो जाता है कहीं, तोड़ कर हर इक वास्ता |

–

ग़लतियों के एहसास और शर्मिंदगी से फिर हो जाता हूँ जब निराश,

तब दोबारा सहारा लेता है दिल उसका, जिसे लोग कहते हैं ‘काश’ |

——

©मोहक चौधरी ‘सचिंत’

२१.०५.२०१७

REGRET

You tell yourself once, twice…once again, “Rebut it”,

as there’s no good in lying to yourself.

You are not that great, right? Then what’s the point to regret?

Regret- Isn’t it a word loathed by many?

But it makes you realize, rather self-recognize,

that even though you weren’t great, you could’ve tried,

tried harder, tried for one more time when you finally refused to.

Things are not in your control, they say, they just happen on their own,

the honesty in your endeavours decide whether you exult or mourn.

But it’s more about the squandered attempts, those which didn’t yield anything,

Tears, in your life, remain the only….yes, the only piece of bling.

Each failed effort especially those which you put all your heart in,

poke you time and again, making you remember of all your sins.

There’s a hollow inside, like something from inside departs,

departs to never come back, tearing your soul apart.

How to fill this ever increasing void within self?

How to cease this cruel process of unbecoming of oneself?

How to let go those feelings which stick- stick really hard?

as even the ashes left excruciate you, after everything is charred.

But that’s life. Isn’t it? It goes on viciously showing you another way,

another way which is full of opportunities and accompanying threats,

gathering my broken self, I dimly hope to fare somehow, caressing my regrets.

©Mohak Chaudhary

18.05.2017

 

PAIN

They say it’s the body’s way of responding to stress,

but its continuity is what makes life a mess.

One gets hurt, who does not?

Physically? Yes, physically the sensation is somewhat bearable,

bearable by body which adjusts itself according to the extent.

I’m talking here of the mental thing, when your mind takes a hideous dent.

Its unexpected strike is not what surprises the most,

the intensity by which it hits scares you like a ghost.

Agony, anguish, fear, tears all are its by-products,

joy, care, affection, love – lying to self-destruct.

Its expanse keeps on increasing gradually, pushing you to self-pity,

entailing with it is irreparable damage, irrespective of you being gritty.

In the day time you are dying to rest, unable to finish the tasks,

hiding from world, wearing a fake smile, disguising under a mask.

The night is where it engulfs you more, reminding you of all ills,

and believe you me, that screaming calm kills…… simply kills.

But does it make you stronger, like the common perception goes?

No, I infer. The weakness is inexplicable and evidently, it shows.

The only motive of life then, becomes an unusually long wait,

let alone the termination of this Pain, you literally beg it to abate.

–©Mohak Chaudhary

17.05.2017

THE LOYALIST

A companion that never forgets you when you’re down,

a mate that always accompanies you in that frown.

 

Someone who is destined to be with you in your pain,

a true loyalist who is closest to you during that mental strain.

 

Though one often tries to hide it from those around,

but to perform its duty regularly, it is quite bound.

 

In times of glee and celebration, one is treated like honey,

people stick around like bees, everything seems zealous and sunny.

 

But it’s in glumness when it matters the most,

it caresses you while others find a chance to roast.

 

It brings with it a flood of its friends in those sleepless nights,

when painful memories and failures give you enough of agony and fright.

 

Its warmth, its softness comforts you during those sighs,

it’s the only one that stands by you more in your lows than in highs.

 

Had it been possible, I’d have conserved, for life, its source,

but it’s something unachievable, adding to the remorse.

 

By now, you must be wondering who this great being is actually?

is such virtuousness mere exaggeration or does it exist factually ?

 

Indeed it exists, in me, in you, in all of us,

coming as per convenience, sometimes in calm, sometimes in fuss.

 

Formed of electrolytes, proteins and water, let me now name it my dear,

A friend of all seasons it is- the name is ‘Tear’.

 

©Mohak Chaudhary

16.05.2017

MAZE OF PAIN

 

A hollow is created inside, deep inside somewhere,

just like a black hole, it’s expanding.

Expanding to accumulate sorrow, agony, fear and pain,

emotions which are hard to bear and even harder to explain.

Feels like an arrow pierced through my heart,

and got stuck- stuck to make me feel every second,

every second of the suffering, the distress, the torment,

only to realize that all I could do now is just lament.

Was it deliberate on my part or could there have been another way?

this dilemma, this helplessness is just intensifying the mental fray,

What does it take to be hard as a rock, to be mentally tough?

don’t know, but the attempt to be so is making even me, a tad bit rough.

It’s a phase where throats of good Samaritans of love, glee, positivity and elation,

are being slit by the demons of self-hate, gloom, negativity and depression.

Achromatic seems every hue, courtesy a curtain of prolonged sorrow,

you seek for bliss to come from within as it’s something you can’t borrow.

So, what next? How to fare in this hellish Maze of Pain,

when all efforts go wasted, when every attempt seems to be in vain.

 

-© Mohak Chaudhary

-15.05.2017

QUAGMIRE OF LIFE

Isn’t life all about phases? Some quick to pass, some just drag along,

some make you terribly weak and grievous and some zealously strong.

–

The humdrum life seems to be dragging as usual, when something unexpected pops its head,

suddenly you rise up from your grave, wanting to be alive from being implicitly dead.

–

It’s like a spark, a lightning strike, like warmth of life given to someone about to die,

as if that something or someone stays patiently to listen to your silent cry.

–

A golden phase-it is, or at least seems to be, like pieces falling in place,

one just wishes, rather prays that the calmness and peace just stays.

–

Since the gloom has sort of vanished, now comes in silly imaginations,

which originally provides pleasure ,a lot, but whose surcease gives you hallucinations.

–

Thoughts, feelings for something or someone and that attachment grows manifold,

newer possibilities welcome with open arms and you slowly begin getting over the old.

–

But just when you think it’s time to make things clear and remove all the haze,

that time itself rips your soul apart by bringing in another phase.

–

This one- filled with sombreness, puts your patience to test,

a flood of sorrow destroys glee’s crop just before you could harvest.

–

Upside down- seems to be everything around and the mind feels exhausted,

suffocating becomes every second, feels like you’re being holocausted.

–

Silence becomes the best companion, loneliness is the order of the day,

It seems like the whole universe conspires to keep happiness at bay.

–

This mental torture takes a toll on the body, rendering it weak,

chances of an early revival go down from fewer to few to bleak.

–

Lethargy, disinterest, monotony, discomfort grasp you till you succumb,

memories of that good old phase start fading, leaving you numb.

–

Numb, numb, numb, just numb………………………………………..

………………………………………….……………………………………………..

………………………………………………………………………………………..

…………………………………………………………………………..numb.

–

Yes, this extension of the ‘Numb’ phase creates in mind, a strife,

its conquerors start their lives afresh, the losers suffer for whole life.

–

This multiphasic compound of life- is impossible to be framed into a single rendition,

every phase is sovereign, one just needs to adhere to its terms and conditions.

–

I too hope that my cold feet find a way to reach that life-saving fire,

maybe someday, I could push hard enough to come out of this fatal Quagmire.

 ————-

©Mohak Chaudhary

13.05.2017

‘जन्मदिन मुबारक – क्या सच में ?’

जन्मदिन मुबारक सुन सुन कर थक चुके हैं कान,

केवल एक दिन ही तो है, काम तो न किया कोई ऐसा महान |

–

हर रोज़ लाखों लोग दुनिया में हैं आते,

और लाखों ही अल्विदा कह कर जाते |

–

फिर क्या महत्व है इस ख़ुशी को मनाने का,

दिखावे ही दिखावे में प्रतिदिन जिए जाने का ?

–

मुझे तो किसी विचित्र ख़ुशी का नहीं हो रहा एहसास,

मुझे तो इस दिन में ऐसा नहीं लग रहा कुछ ख़ास |

–

हाँ, इक दर्द, इक टीस सीने में है चुभती सी,

उनकी बर्बरता से हर इक साँस है रुकती सी |

–

अभी हाल ही में सुकमा में छलनी कर दिए गए छब्बीस जवान,

और यहाँ हम पड़े हैं करने में अपने व्यर्थ जीवन का बखान |

–

वो नि:स्वार्थ, वनों में भटकते खाते फिर रहे हैं गोलियां,

और हम यहाँ रहते व्यस्त भरने में अपनी झोलियाँ |

–

नन्हें उनके बच्चों के जन्मदिन रह जाते बिन मनाये,

यही पूछते बीत जाता बचपन, “माँ, पिताजी क्यों नहीं आए ?”

–

उनके जन्मदिन खो जाते गुमनामी और मौत के अँधेरे में ,

तरसती आँखें राह तकतीं लौट आने की, हर सवेरे में |

–

फिर ऐसे में भला कैसे मनाऊं मैं खुशियाँ बेशुमार ?

क्या मैं भी हो जाऊं फूहड़पन और संवेदनहीनता का शिकार ?

–

वो कहते हैं कि “ क्या सुन्दर मौका है ! आओ केक काटकर खाते हैं “,

पर काटने के नाम भर से ही कश्मीर के सरकटे फौजी याद आते हैं |

–

   बधाइयों का सबकी करते हुए सम्मान, चाहता हूँ बस इतना,

कि फौजी भाइयों के दुःख को करें साझा, जिससे हो सके जितना |

–

जन्मदिन तो हर वर्ष आते हैं, हर वर्ष आयेंगे,

पर कब तक हमारे जवान ऐसी सस्ती मौत को गले लगायेंगे ||

——-

– ©मोहक चौधरी ‘सचिंत’

१३.०५.२०१७